je voudrais.

Tu me manque.

Je voudrais fuir.

Je voudrais compter sur Dieu.

Je voudrais mon chien.

Je voudrais amour.

Je voudrais paix.

Je voudrais joie.

too much french, for one night..

I miss my dog more than I miss anything else. seriously.

sometimes I fear that I have blended in to this all. not that sticking out is what I want to do..I don't know. I am so uncertain. I don't know what I want. I don't know who I want. I don't know where I want to be. I don't know much lately. which is kind of ironic considering up there is a list of things I do want..maybe it is just that I don't know how to get to what I want. or where to start finding what I want to find. but I think I have started to stop looking. which is no good at all. I feel like everything I want is just further down the path so my eyes are on the ground and I am missing out on all the things going on around me.

I guess I need to just open my eyes. and ears. and enjoy.

"Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride."

"life is school. love is the lesson."

so...wait I am confused? then what should I major in?
life is SCHOOL...
well UGH, that sucks. I am transferring. or just dropping out. I haven't decided yet. NAU is about to become legitly DUMB. Budget cuts are screwing us over MAJORLY. So my plan as of now is to transfer to sunny, beachy and beautiful California. YES, I am going to Disneyland, I am going to beach and sand...well sorta. I think I want to go to CONCORDIA UNIVERSITY of IRVINE. it is what I want...I think. Unless of course the world really is ending in 2012, like everyone says it is, in which case EF SCHOOL, I am dropping out and exploring the world. or becoming a cowboy. I just wish someone could give me some straight answers about this, really if the world is gonna explode in three years I really would appreciate it if someone just told me... anyone? seriously though how much would that suck if we all spent four years getting our degrees and than the moment of graduation "KAABOOOOOM!" and it is over. waste of your life. if you have answers please share the love. please?!

"I don't know why I act the way I do, like I ain't got a single thing to lose."
"the urge to run, the restlessness...I guess that's just the cowboy in me.."

:]

LOVE.

"Edward was starring at me.."
"How do you like me now, FISH?"
"unicorns are real. I promise, they just didn't get on the Ark."
"Is he cute?" "YES!" "Don't arrest him, we'll take him!"
"I would invite them over to my place for 'CAKE'!"
"DOUCHER" "What exactly is the definition of a doucher?"
"SUCKS!"
"I peed on your tire, Barbra."
"leave space for Jesus."
"I can be your Batman baby." "umm sorry that's my job."
"peace love and a robot"
"what if (name protected to save from embarrassment) asked you to have his babies?" "The world would be a beautiful place."
"let's play have you never?"
"wait is that mormon bases or real bases?!"
"SCANDALOUS!"
"how about we switch phones?" "you text mine I will text yours"
"is it like mormon sex text?" "MST"
"No I don't think I've ever made out with someone in the back of your car.."
"chop shop and a homo"
"why the brown face?"
"are you in the dark place?"

I love my friends.
some of the funniest moments of my life.
:]

je te serai fidele.

je suis tres..je n'ai sais pas. j'aime bien mon chance d'etudier a un bon Universite et aller au Chicago et France et j'ai une famile qui est incredible et les amis qui a super et les garcons qu'ils aiment moi et un Dieu qui est tout je besoin et voudrais pour toute mon vie. Mais je suis lonely. je n'ai sais pas le mot pour ca. Normalment quand j'ecrire la francais je cheque chaque mot mais maintenant je ne pense qu'il a l'important. Je Vouz seraz fidele a Votre et Votre amour, mais je pense que je suis mauvais a ca. parce que j'oublier Votre amoure et j'oublier que ca c'est enough. Je besoin de connais ca c'est vraiment tout je besoin. tout.

Maintenant je suis content avec ca. et ca soulement.

AMOUR.

Livin' on Love.

I wish that everyone had grandparents as wonderful as mine.

this is a little overdue.

My grandparents are amazing. How there is so much pure and honest love in a relationship sometimes amazes me. They pass that love on to anyone and everyone in their paths. I hope they know how much they inspire me and how much I look up to them, love them and just all around enjoy them. They are fun and funny and adorable.

The night before I left, my last night of Christmas break, I spent with my grandparents. And I can honestly say it was the best time I had all break. My grandma decided that she wanted to make me a nice dinner before I went back to eating cafeteria food. So my grandmother and I embarked on a mission to make chicken, noodles, green beans, salad and, my idea and most important job, an angel food cake. We pleasantly worked side by side for a good couple of hours while my grandpa played the guitar and we all three sang together. So dinner was served at promptly eleven (yes PM). And in the words of my grandfather, "it was worth the wait." The angel food cake had some drama, which the temperature accidentally getting turned up a hundred degrees, and came out of the oven looking like..well...a pile of fluffy mess.It looked horrible but my grandma told me it wasn't bad for my first angel food cake BUT then we tasted it! it was SO good. We all stood around it and ate it (with our fingers I might add) like five year olds until it was basically gone. I had more fun with my grandparents that night then I have had in a long time. I am so thankful that I have them.

One day I hope to be as wonderful as my grandparents.

seriousness. breathing.

"I can finally breathe"
"This long of a struggle finally opened up my eyes.
Revolution's not easy with a civil war on the inside."
today, I figured out the seriousness in not taking things too seriously.
with exception only to breathing, that's one thing that is pretty seriously necessary so take it seriously..everything else though..really how serious do I have to take it? I don't. all I have to do is breathe and trust, let everything else just be.
I don't need to stress, worry or wonder, just breathe. and good news, all you have to do is breathe too. and you'll be just fine:]

whatEVER.

one of my least favorite ways to feel is confused.

when I get confused I get apathetic.

I think that is why the word whatever was invented.

so, WHATEVER.

I feel better now.

four.

Today I am thankful for some very important bestest friends.

I love you all and miss you.

I hope you are all having (or in some cases getting ready to have) a wonderful semester.

you are all beautiful.

and I am blessed to call you my best friends.

:] love.

try.

today I was inspired by an idea that is so simple.
this new year I resolve to simply try. and to be vulnerable, and to not just wonder but find out.
Because the worst that I can hear is no. and after all no is not that scary at all.
I will ask the hard questions and jump into things with both feet.
I will not be afraid of rejection. but rather rejoice in the opportunity to seek, to expand, and to have simply tried.

I will go out of my comfort zone and willingly and simply try without being afraid of failure.

gone country.

Thatcher is always fun. I was asked why I liked Thatcher so much today. and when I thought about it, it is true there isn't much to love..it is basically cowboys, indains and mormon kids. but these pictures explain much better than I could why I love it. I also (Meigen don't die) have decided I want to be a cowboy. .well, maybe at least hang around some. lately I am completely stuck on country music and the idea of a farm and an attractive boy in a cowboy hat and boots is becoming so appealing. Not to mention drama free. However that isn't going to happen anytime soon I am on my way back up the mountain tomorrow, so I guess I will have to settle for lumberjack. .it's kinda close to a cowboy..oh well.

One more semester til summer fun! I can do it. This semester I am going to be more outgoing and make more friends and enjoy the opportunity of being in college. And I am not going to worry about those boys that are further than ten minutes away;]

it was a good break, I am glad that I shared it with those that I shared it with:]

Happy Second Semester...here we go again:]